Settling
by Hayley128
Summary: About 3 years Post-Chosen. Kennedy wishes she was with someone else.


Title: Settling

Rating: PG13

Pairing: Buffy/Kennedy

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and I make no money from this.

Summary: About 3 years Post-Chosen. Kennedy wishes she was with someone else.

* * *

We both settled and we know it.

I wish I could say it doesn't matter to me but it does. It's not for the reason anyone would think though. Or maybe they would, I don't know.

A little over a year ago we were both happy and with other people. I had finally decided to be the responsible person I knew was somewhere in me and asked Willow to marry me. Thankfully, she said yes because I don't think I could've stayed with the group if she didn't. I knew she was the one for me.

Our wedding would've been last month. I cried the entire day.

Buffy and Faith had finally gotten their act together and had been going at it hot and heavy for a couple months. It was still the honeymoon period for them and I think I teased Faith every day about how she acted around Buffy. She was so sweet and cheesy and she even started blushing. It was hilarious.

Then everything went to hell. A group of demons set us up and there was an explosion at a warehouse we were in. A lot of people died, a lot of good members of the team, and . . . that included Willow and Faith.

We found their bodies and it took everyone to convince Buffy not to try and revive them. It was too risky and as devastated as I was, I knew that wasn't what I wanted. I knew I would never get my Will back.

No one could really talk to Buffy and some even gave up trying but soon I started. She was the only one around who knew how I felt. I lost the one person I knew without a doubt I could be happy with for the rest of my life and I had a feeling Buffy felt the same. She'd only been with Faith a couple months but it was a long time coming.

The talking helped. We'd tell each other funny stories about Will and Faith and talk about what we missed. I'm sure it wasn't helpful to remain in the past but neither of us wanted to move on. Talking to Buffy about Willow was all that got me up sometimes.

It became more than that a couple months later. I'm not sure if it was us trying to comfort each other more than what we were already but one night it just happened.

I don't regret it and I don't regret that we're now kind of seeing each other. I don't think she regrets it either but we know we're only with each other because we're the closest thing we'll ever get to the ones we loved and lost. She's said that I remind her a little of Faith and she was Will's best friend.

Now I'm walking through a cemetery and I know Buffy's here. One of us is always here every night and the other always has to come and get us both back home. Tonight must be my turn 'cause I woke up and she wasn't there.

It only takes me a few minutes before I see her. She's sitting next to a headstone, her head resting against the cool stone. I don't even have to look at her to know she's been crying.

"Buffy, it's late."

She looks up at me with sad eyes. "I just couldn't do it tonight."

We'd told each other we'd try to stop ending up here every night but that hasn't happened yet. Before I say anything to her I look to the grave next to Faith's: Willow's grave. Every time I stop breathing for a minute as I read her name carved into the stone but I hold back the tears. Those will come later.

"That's okay. You could've always gotten me up."

We always say that to each other but the truth is we don't want to be here with each other. I'm not sure what it feels like to her but it feels like I'm cheating when I show up here with Buffy. It's like I'm visiting the love of my life with the girl I'm sleeping with. It feels like I'm insulting Willow's memory.

Buffy doesn't say anything but stands and walks over to me. There are no smiles as we begin to walk away from the graves and there's no contact between the two of us as we start the walk back home. We definitely don't look like a couple, two people who have been sleeping with each other for months.

I want to say that's okay with me but it's not. It's not just because we don't want each other. It's also because we're not happy with each other and we never will be.

But she reminds me of Willow.

The End


End file.
